Why America doesn't need Mariette

I have a great friend by the name of Mariette. She is a medical rep and takes her job very seriously. She visits doctors every day to talk to them about her company's products and how they work. She regularly writes exams and attends conferences to make sure she understands the studies, the impacts and the side effects. She knows and understands her products intimately. Her focus is on the doctors and pharmacists to keep her products top of their mind when prescribing or making recommendations. She doesn't deal with the direct public. Its a full-time job back in South Africa. I don't believe Mariette is needed in America.

America takes care of all of this with 90 second adverts on TV. Lots of them. Mostly for something to take care of bowel issues. Usually aimed at the older population as I have yet to see anyone in an advert, under the age of 50 unless they are posing as a grandchild. The advert starts with an actor performing some sort of activity or their inability to perform that activity. Either a very happy face or someone who is down in the dumps as they can't do something anymore (queue sad dog or pathetic grandchild). The background music is either something upbeat because Billy beat Diabetes or melancholy and slow because Mary can't poop.

So the advert has started and in the first 5 seconds you have an idea of the bodily function fixer-upper being advertised and then the unpronounceable product name appears in bold letters at the top of the screen. Sometimes in smaller letters, they will print the more commonly known name, just in case you are very familiar with it already. Just like a warm blankie on a cold night I suppose. For some of the more difficult names, they actually have a phonetic pronunciation under the name too! The music and video fade into the background and a shot of the product comes into the foreground...

A command-able voice starts talking about the product - if you're lucky its the voice of an old-and-out-of-work celebrity. The voice pronounces the name a few times in the next few sentences (just so it sinks in). They either get us to rejoice with Billy or sympatise with Mary. Details of how the medication works is explained in quite a bit of detail. Music and video come back to the foreground and happy faces talk to you about how great they feel or how this product has changed their lives.  Then comes the fun part and the music and video fade again.

I remember back at home when the tobacco companies and gambling houses first had to include the warning label in their advert clips. A quick flash on the screen and a number you could call to help you get over your addiction. It was like subliminal messaging - too quick to actually take it in. Then the National Credit Act came into being and all of a sudden you were read the small print on the radio for credit cards and vehicle financing. Usually every word articulated but at a speed that no rational ear could catch on. It remains small print after all.

NOT HERE IN AMERICA!  Here every single side effect of the drug is part of the voice-over. They are slowly articulated so that there's no confusion that something that appears to cure Frank's IBS can also allow him to die a slow and painful death (at least have suicidal thoughts or actions) and those handy-enough-to-carry-in-your-handbag wipes for Tammy's hemorrhoids could cause an allergic reaction to bees. As someone new to the genre, it is mind-blowing to hear the side effects of the drugs on the market. Mariette would shudder if she had to read them out to the general public every day like these guys are paid to do.  Everything from death to one's skin breaking out in awful sores are read out with perfect clarity.

The adverts here are not directed at the doctors or pharmacists - they punt their products direct to the general public. The public must ask their doctors to prescribe the products while the small print says you should speak to your doctor about whether the product would be suitable for you. You don't care about it being suitable, you want to stop your chronic diarrhea right now and any which way you can so that you can be as happy as Mike playing his guitar on a stage with hardly anyone in the audience. He looks so happy after all, that means the drug must surely work wonders.

I am sorry Mariette, but there is no place here for you. You aren't an old actor struggling to buy his next bottle of champers. You have pride. You have dignity. If you were here, you'd be without a job. You of course wouldn't have all the free samples that come with advertising the product but then I don't think you promote hemorrhoid wipes either.

Snow and South African dogs and Crocs don't mix

Having the babies adjust to the new weather conditions in Somers, NY has been a challenge. They arrived a few days ago from the heatwave that is current engulfing Gauteng, to a very cool 2 degrees half way around the Earth.  Without have a garden to roam freely in, we are back in the puppy training stage of going outside for regular walks on a lead where business can be taken care of.

I awoke on this second morning of the babies being here and put on my slippers (old red Crocs from Mr Price so not even the real thing) and a tracksuit to take them out.  I opened the curtains to the sight of beautiful snow falling - just like a Christmas card - but I wasn't to be put off.  Leads on and the sliding door to the deck was opened.  Not as cold as I thought it would be and the babies were rearing to go so we stepped out into a fairy tale.

For a full two seconds we all enjoyed the moment - snow falling and a perfectly white landscape.  First steps into the snow and it crunched pleasantly under foot.  Was about 15 cms deep and made a delightful crunching sound when we stepped onto it.

Trinity was first off the deck with her nose down and smelling the snow.  Neo was slightly tentative but joined her and they seemed to be enjoying themselves.  I'm still getting used to the leads that lets them have some freedom and soon enough they were at maximum and seemed to be enjoying themselves.  One of the leads got stuck to the edge of the deck and in the moment I managed to get it loose, the Hounds of Hades were released.

Both dogs surged forward with such power that both leads were pulled out of my hands and they were bounding off into the trees at full speed. I started after them and found that old crocs lack traction and when you're treading on unknown ground while shouting out their names, one's dignity is non-existent. While picking myself up in a panic, I looked up and saw what had caught their attention - a few deer were racing off into the white distance with two small dogs after them. I called my dogs again.I also know I was shouting "Liefie" at the top of my voice in between all of this. The hounds slowed down a bit. Thankfully the leads got a bit tangled in a bush.  As luck would have it, as I got near the stupid handles on the end of the leads, I slipped again and they managed to get themselves loose so were off again.

Lucky for me they slowed down enough for me to grasp both ends and we came to a halt.  They were rearing at the end of the leads to keep going but by then my "stern mother voice" had kicked in and they finally turned around and acknowledged me. Time to turn around and go back to the house but of course I had two dogs each on about 6 metres of lead, coming back at me in two different directions, each getting tangled in bushes and around trees.  By now Liefie had got out of bed and was enjoying the spectacle from the deck. I did slip and fall once more coming back to the house and it was a good one. Slippery rotting leaves hidden under the snow made for a great slip 'n slide.

Shaking it off, the babies were more than happy to greet their father while I arrived behind them with snow all over my bottom half. I was shaking in a different way.

My friend Sharon posted a picture on Facebook a while back describing the holes in Crocs - apparently that's where your dignity leaks out.  For once I have to agree with her. Several lessons were learnt this morning...
1) Crocs do not make suitable snow gear
2) Wear your Hunter Wellies out in the snow
3) Hold onto the dog's leads for "deer" life.