Normally I type strongly worded messages for my resident squirrels that involve death, the fires of Hell and the Crucio spell. Today I have been thoroughly entertained and it is worth writing about while I sit feeling stupid with a huge grin on my face.
No self-respecting birder in NY puts a feeder up in their garden without making it squirrel proof. Wiring the pole up for shocking them to death is not actually a common solution - that common solution is called a baffle. This is a metal device you mount on the pole under the feeders in the shape of an upside cone - it looks much like the one you put around your dog's neck to stop them from getting to a wound. The cone is stiff but the mechanism it hangs off keeps it loose and it flops around if you push it.
Typically the squirrel will shuffle up the pole and get to the inside top of the baffle and can't go any further. Any attempts to grasp the edge and leverage themselves over the edge, means a fling or a flop back to the ground. For entertainment value initially, I did lightly oil the poles but they caught on to me so stopped climbing.
During the freezing winter months, standing water quickly freezes up which leaves birds and mammals with nothing to drink. I purchased to bird bathes with a built-in heating element. It checks the temperature of the water and keeps it just under freezing so it isn't warm, but it is unfrozen. One bath is situated on the ground - great for mammals to get to and then I have another one on a pole for the birds near the feeders. I have enjoyed watching the birdies bathe while the temps are well below freezing.
This morning I was on a rather intense conference call and when I looked up, was surprised to see a squirrel on top of one of the bird feeders nibbling on suet. There is just no way he could have climbed over the baffle but to be sure, I went outside to check that it hadn't hooked up somehow and lost its "floppiness". It was working fine. I checked the bird bath which was placed far enough away from the feeder and walked back to my desk with a puzzled look on my face. I got distracted with my conference call and once again, I looked up and the bugger was gnawing at another suet ball while perched on top of the feeder pole. The water in the bird bath was still full so I didn't think it had used it as leverage as the bath is slightly off-center so just bumping it, would mean it would overflow or at least show small waves as it recovered. I went out again and to be sure, I rechecked the baffle and then moved the bird bath about 20 cms away from the feeder. Back to my desk.
By the way, I am still on a conference call all this time, walking to and from the feeder with the portable phone in my hand...
This time, I sit down and keep my eyes peeled on the feeder. I was not going to miss it again. In a couple of minutes, I see two squirrels chasing each other around the feeder. The thinner one escapes to the Dogwood outside the window and the other hangs around under the feeders looking for scraps. Next thing, he hops onto the edge of the bird bath and without thinking, launches himself at the feeder. He lands on the side of the baffle, it flops down under his weight with a crash against the pole (like a church bell) and flicks him off onto the ground. Stunned for a good couple of seconds, he is right back up on the bird bath. I am sure that by now he is thinking that something has changed but he isn't quite certain what that is.
Sure enough, he launches himself off for a second time, this time he lands near the top of the baffle so there's less swinging, he scrambles against the bare metal for grip, doesn't find any and slides off the side along with his dignity. Again I can hear the thoughts going through his mind about how this worked a few minutes ago and then it didn't. Maybe it was the pole... So twice he scrambles up the pole, gets to the inside top of the baffle, reaches around and grabs the edge and lands on his butt along with the dignity he left there earlier.
My squirrels are determined although I prefer the word relentless which does conjure up visions of villains instead of Boy Scouts. He takes one more shot and is back on the bird bath. This time I can see he is considering his options before launch. 3, 2, 1 and he takes a giant leap towards the feeder. Is now a good time to mention that when I moved the bird bath, I emptied it which took away some of the stability?
As he launches, the bird bath moves slightly to the left and he is flying through the air slightly off target. He somehow lands on the edge of the baffle and instead of flipping or flopping, it spins. He had managed to grab hold of the edge during the mad scramble and after a 180 degree ride, finally had to let go and ended up sprawled on the grass about 2-3 meters on the other side of the feeder and bird bath. He looked like a Frisbee flying through the air. By this time I was screeching with laughter and just thankful my phone was on mute. In my excitement I woke the snoozing dogs up and they jumped onto the back of the couch, which is window height, to see what had mommy all excited. Between the laughter and the barking, the squirrel decided to call it a day and it hopped off to the nearest Oak tree.
I'd like to believe that instead of using my normal Crucio spell, I went for the Confundo one instead. If you aren't sure what I mean, reread your Harry Potter books or ask Google for help.
Back to the next call. I'm still smiling as I finish typing this....
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